Looking back, the signs were there for months — maybe years — before my mother's diagnosis. I just didn't want to see them. Here's what I wish I had known.
Normal Aging vs. Dementia
First, let's be clear: occasional forgetfulness is normal as we age. Dementia is different. The key distinction is whether memory issues interfere with daily life.
| Normal Aging | Possible Dementia |
|---|---|
| Occasionally forgetting names or appointments | Forgetting recently learned information repeatedly |
| Sometimes struggling to find the right word | Difficulty following or joining conversations |
| Misplacing things occasionally | Putting things in unusual places and being unable to retrace steps |
| Making occasional errors in finances | Difficulty managing bills or money they've handled for years |
The Signs I Noticed (In Hindsight)
1. Repetitive Questions
My mom would ask when I was coming to visit. I'd tell her Saturday. She'd ask again an hour later. And again the next day. I thought she was just excited or anxious. It was more than that.
2. Difficulty with Familiar Tasks
She's been making knedlo-zelo-vepřo (a traditional Czech dish) for 40 years. Suddenly, she couldn't coordinate the timing. The dumplings were ready but the meat wasn't even started.
3. Confusion About Time and Place
She once called me, panicked, saying she didn't know how she got somewhere. She was at my brother's ex-wife's workplace — she'd walked there automatically but couldn't explain why.
4. Changes in Judgment
The SIM card incident. She went to the phone carrier and changed her SIM for no reason she could articulate. She didn't remember doing it at all.
5. Social Withdrawal
She stopped calling friends. Stopped her usual activities. At first I thought it was depression. It was partly the disease making social interaction overwhelming.
When to See a Doctor
If you notice these signs in a loved one, don't wait like I did. Early diagnosis matters because:
- Some causes of memory loss are treatable
- Medications work better in early stages
- You can plan while your loved one can participate
- Support services can be put in place
The Diagnosis Process
Our journey took about a year of doctor visits, tests, and uncertainty. Expect:
- Cognitive assessments (memory tests, problem-solving)
- Blood tests (to rule out other causes)
- Brain imaging (MRI or CT scan)
- Possibly a neuropsychological evaluation
What Comes After
A diagnosis isn't the end — it's a beginning. It's the start of understanding what you're dealing with and how to adapt.
My mother is still independent. She's still a fighter. The diagnosis didn't change who she is. It just explained some things and helped us prepare for what's ahead.
And it's why I'm building AlwaysWith. Because I want to stay connected with her, no matter what the disease takes.
— Martin